And beyond...

I put Vegas and beyond...but then decided to break it in to two posts. As most of you who know us know, we are trying to have another baby. Many people think we are crazy because of the health problems I have and the problems I have taking care of the 3 wonderful girls I have. But I have thought, fasted, and prayed long and hard, and feel that this decision is the right one for our family. I don't want to leave anyone behind! Well...I have not had a period since getting pregnant with Samara. That is 2 1/2 years now!! A lot of you ladies may be thinking that I must be crazy to complain about it! While I have enjoyed not having a period, especially because with my already painful condition, the periods REALLY cause trouble and completely wipe me out, with out a period, there is no ovulation. Thus...no possibility of pregnancy or baby. At first my docs assumed it was because I was breastfeeding even though I had breastfed my last, and it still had come back by before that amount of time. Then I stopped the breastfeeding and still...nothing. So, they used progesterone to try and jump start the periods. It caused a few days of weak bleeding and that's it. Well, this last time (I had taken the progesterone 2X's before this) they upped the dosage of progesterone and then told me, on my fifth day of bleeding to take Clomid, which I had requested to try and get pregnant. I really feel like my family has one more little one that is supposed to come to this earth through me. Because of recent happenings; increased pain, problems with the absence of support from friends family and doctors who have decided that they know what is best for me, and the fact that I have had to use medicines to even get pregnant, I have been doubting my answer that I need to have this last baby. I am still trying to do the things I need to, to hold my head up high and know that I have made the best decision I can, but in the mean time...I am just waiting and hoping. A few days ago, I went to the emergency room after spending all night and morning, nauseated and in immense pain. After medicating me, doing blood work, and running a CT, they found cysts on both sides of my ovaries...again!! So, now I am playing several waiting games. They did run a blood pregnancy test which was negative, but I am pretty sure, and still holding out hope, that it was too early. Probably in the implantation stage which can't be detected. Even in blood. I can do a home test Easter weekend, so everyone please cross your fingers and pray for a miracle!! Now I am also just on pain meds, waiting to see if these cysts are going to pop (OUCH!! Been there, done that. Not looking forward to it again) and go away on their own. Otherwise, surgery it is for me...again! I know...I sound like a broken record! It is so annoying to be in so much pain. I can't move without pain, so everything I have to do for my babies, is excruciating! Not to mention cleaning...or the lack thereof. I can't clean. It's off limits for now. So my house is being over run my tornado children. Then there's the lack of sleep because the pain wakes me, and I have to take more meds and wait for them to work before it's a dull enough pain that I can go back to sleep! Needless to say, I am extra worried about my foray into the baby making department. I feel like this is my last chance! If these meds didn't work, I doubt my doctor, or my husband for that matter, will let me take more because of the pain it causes. And I also can't just wait around for me to get pregnant naturally since we have been trying that for months and it hasn't worked. And everyday, the pain gets worse, and so we need to find a solution. In fact, at this point my docs think my body is going into premature menopause at age 27. So the only way to get pregnant is medicine! It's all one big circle with no end and no answer....so please...please pray for me and my family that something will work out. Or maybe Heavenly Father wants me to go through the motions like Abraham with his son. I am just really praying that I get to have this last baby....