Tuesday, December 23, 2008

I don't know how many people have had completely idyopathic(meaning the doctors have no stinkin clue what is going on with you) health problems but if you have ever had one, you begin to wonder if you aren't just completely nutters in the head. Then there's me...I have several. Let me tell you, that will you a complex...which will probably also be unexplainable by your psychiatrist. Well, a lot of people know I have endometriosis because I have had it for several years. In February when I had a surgery to remove the tissues, they couldn't find any. This is the second surgery that they couldn't find anything. So finally they decided it was idyopathic pelvic pain. Which makes me feel like an "idyot". I mean...the endo was bad enough because the doctors don't know exactly what causes it, how to cure it, or even most times how to treat it. But now they don't even think it is the endo. So then I went to a pelvic pain specialist who found a varicose vein on my uterus the size of a tennis ball. So...maybe not so idyopathic. But who knows. We removed the endo and I still had pain, which they chalked up to cysts that I get periodically. And by periodically I mean...alot! Then they find the huge vein. Then shortly after that I find out that it isn't normal to not have a period for over 2 years, or 16 months after having a baby...and that was after repeatedly being told it was normal for several months. And during all of this...for the past year, I suddenly developed tailbone pain. It was 3 or 4 months after my baby was born, so the doc ruled out trauma from the birth. I hadn't fallen down. He did x-rays, an MRI and cortisone shots. It wasn't broken, there weren't any cysts or tumors, and the cortisone that was supposed to work for several months only worked for several weeks.
Now, you are probably all wondering why this long tirade on all of my many retarded health problems and here it is:
On the 29th of December I am having surgery to have my tailbone removed. Yes! They are actually removing my tailbone. They also want to remove my uterus and ovaries. I keep thinking...why stop there. You can live without your gallbladder, a kidney, part of your liver, your appendix....hey...maybe we could try a lobe of my lungs, or a chamber of my heart! Yes, I am abusing sarcasm and rolling my eyes as I write this. But I guess I am up for just about anything if it will ease some of my pain. But my doctor has told me I will not be able to pick my kids up for at least a month, and it may take a year or longer to feel better, if it works at all. So, if anyone would like to offer help, I am very willing to accept at this point!
Thanks for listening to my ramblings about doctors and their crazy ideas, and cross your fingers, toes, eyes or whatever you can spare that things go well, and this works. Or maybe praying is a better option! :) Wish me luck! :) And anyone who would like to visit after my surgery feel free also. I am sure I am going to be bored and going crazy!

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Wonderful husband

As you can tell from my last blog, things have not been the easiest lately. I went to a special pelvic pain specialist who ran tests and found a very large varicose vein on the right side of my uterus which we believe is creating a lot of the pain. He gave me the options of going on a drug that would temporarily put my body into menopause, and shrink the vein (hopefully) or having another baby. If we decide to have the medicine, we would not be able to try for another baby for at least a year and from the research I have done on the medicine, the side effects of the med is not pleasant and sometimes unpredictable as far as affecting later fertility. This is an extremely hard decision for me. It is something that I waver on every day. But the pain has been pretty bad every since the tests(I really don't think my body appreciated the dye injected into it during the tests). The doctor says he gives us his blessing to try and have another baby and says I may even get relief from the pain although that makes no sense to me. So...needless to say, things at the Wall house have been a little down in the dumps because as every one knows, if mommma isn't happy ain't no one happy. Well, today, my wonderful husband gave me a very nice suprise. He called my sister and asked her to take the kids for a few hours, and then pampered me and got me a relaxing massage. He said he knew I needed a break and boy was it great! It was very nice to have someone think of me and my needs. As most moms know, that is not something that happens often. And though you may think with my problems that people are very attentive to my comfort...it is just the opposite. People just get tired of hearing about how horrible you feel and how much pain you are in and basically could care less if you died. Sounds harsh...but it's true. So thank you, thank you, thank you to the wonderful husbands out there who think about their wives. My hubby is the best!!!

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Repetitive and CRAZY!!

Has anyone else seen a degree of repetitiveness to the craziness of life? I say this as I am sitting here trying to relax away the pain, in my messy house, being made even more messy by my 3 little girls and one little neighbor girl. Crazy because...well, I guess you have to be here as they run around screaming like banshees and crying every few minutes when somebody trips over someone else or falls off of the chair they are not supposed to be standing on. Or gets bitten by the dog who really does not want to play. I just can't wrap my head around the same old pain that encompasses me amid the changing craziness of my little girls. It is so hard for me, as a wife and mother to have this affliction that wracks and attacks my body in some kind of an increment from moderate to severely severe everyday and not be able to do anything about it. If there is anyone out there listening, this is where I am going to pour out my soul. And it ain't pretty. I feel like I am the only woman in the world who wanted a family more than anything, thought she was going to be the most awesome mother ever, and when she finally got all that she ever wanted...felt like the biggest failure in the whole world. How would you feel if all you could do everyday was tolerate the pain through medicated haziness. No playing with your kids, doing things with them, taking them places. Whenever mommy leaves, my girls say, "Mommy go to da doctor?" That's the only place I ever go. And as no fun mommy lays on the couch watching t.v. and feeling like the most slothful person on the face of the earth, my daughter crawls up to my lap, caresses my tummy and says, "Mommy ouchie tummy?" Because, yes, she knows mommies tummy is always ouchie. My husband comes home from working hard all day, and unlike every other wonderful husband in the world, has to wade through toys, trash, dishes, and whatever else happens to be lying on the floor to get to his kids who aren't dressed and look like they are orphans from off of the street. I listen as my mother tells me that if people where to come into my house they would call social services and take my children away....and this is just a few of the things that I repetitively go through every day. So, when I make it through one more day relatively unscathed, my house isn't in entire ruins, my girls are at least fed, and diapered properly, just not dressed and my babies are still here with me, though I may barely be with them because of the pain and I have kept myself from sinking into a total and complete depressive state....that is what I call my repetitive and crazy day! Welcome to life!

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Ah...the good ol' days

I love my little girls. With every ounce of my being. But today...we got a taste of the good ol' days. I think everyone needs this every once in a while. My hubby and I were sick, I have some pain problems from a disease called endometriosis which is sometimes disabling, and my hubby has migraines and plain old bad headaches. Well today, I was having pain problems, as well as fighting my cold, and so he was going to take the girls to church. At least that was the plan. There always seems to be a wrench thrown in the works somewhere. He woke up with a bad headache. Our girls love to go to church. We are mormons, and the girls really enjoy their classes; nursery and primary. So my mom and sister picked them up and took them to go to church in Hurricane. That gave me and my hubby (And the littlest, Samara who is also fighting a cold) a chance for some much needed rest. I was able to lounge in pjs, take a long afternoon nap and generally just be lazy. It is simply amazing how much you think your life changes when you have your first baby. Everything is so busy. Then you have two and you think; wow, I had so much time on my hands! Then comes number three and you can't believe how good you had it when you only had two!! That is when you think of how your mom had six and how she MUST have been absolutely nutters! I also look back and think....Holy Cow!! What was it like when I had none?
P.S. Like I mentioned at the beginning, I totally love my girls. I wouldn't give them up for anything. I am not wishing for the old days back, but just reminding myself why it is always good to live in the moment. Like my mother, I am completely nutters; I am thinking about a fourth one already! (My girls in order of birth are: Kiya Shelly Wall, age 4; Nessalynn Aurora Wall, age 3; and Samara Leilani Wall, age one. Any my wonderful husband is Eric David Wall. Just a short intro!)

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Pass it on..

Today I spent as much of my energy as I could doing absolutely nothing. You might think this is easy...but with a 4 year old, a 3 year old and a one year old, that is certainly not the truth. I have caught a cold, and with that comes the dreaded game of (drum roll please), you guessed it: Pass it on!!! With three little girls that loathe sharing most of the time, it is so frustrating to finally see them sharing the gift that keeps on giving. Namely, germs. Sure...you share your cup, your sucker and a cute little kiss when mommy is trying to keep everyone apart so that we don't go round and round on the merry-go-round of sickness...but when I ask you to share nicely any other day, we have a tantrum! So, needless to say we are all sleeping our silent sleep of drugged up bliss, the humidifier humming, and the lovely aroma of Vick's in the air.
Today my husband Eric started a new job. He is going to be selling diamonds at Morgan Jeweler's. Which I think is FANTASTIC! Looking forward to that employee discount! Okay...seriously can't say that without snickering because, as much as I love shiny stuff like any other girl or raccoon I just don't understand what the big deal about diamonds is. Of course, maybe that is just because diamonds don't shine as much when they are covered with mac and cheese sauce, baby spit up, baby lotion, or anything else your imagination can come up with, but that is how I feel. It is way too much money to spend on something that will most likely(if you are me) end up lost or broken. But good luck, and congrats to my hubby!!!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Average day with the Walls...

We roll out of bed at around eight o'clock with crazy hair and soggy diapers. I would love at this point to tell you that we happily get some yummy, healthy, home made breakfast, then get ourselves beautifully outfitted and get our hair brushed, teeth bushed and faces scrubbed until the 4 of us were beautiful shining princesses. Then of course we would have a quiet, lovely day filled with some book reading, learning, healthy home cooked meals, and refined and girly like activities. But I am not writing a novel, just a day at our house. So...an average day with us is filled with all-day pajama parties, easy-mac and pb&j, hair that used to be in cute ponytails but is now in complete disarray, and mess, mess, mess. Not to mention the yelling, screaming, teasing, hair pulling, pushing, mess-making and general chaos that is life with three little girls. Talk about drama, drama, drama. My girls were meant for the stage! Maybe one day we will see their names in lights on broadway, but for now, we just have to distinguish between who really started the fight, when someone is actually hurt or just using their crocodile tears to get the other in trouble, or which one unrolled the toilet paper and crushed crackers into the juice they spilled on the floor. I love being a mommy!!!