Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Easter was great! We celebrated on Saturday morning with my parents, and then Eric's parents were down, so we celebrated with them the rest of Saturday and half of Sunday. The girls thought that was the coolest thing in the world! The Easter Bunny came twice, and they got to color eggs twice! But I did feel kind of bad because this last week before my in-laws came to stay with us, I tried to get stuff clean, and just struggled because of the pain from the cysts. (Which I am still struggling with.) I was especially embarassed, and completely sick right now, because we have 4 dogs living in the house, and only 1 is completely house broken. The other adult should be but is kind of a stinker because he likes to mark his territory. But we weren't doing too bad until the puppies came along. Now they are 12 weeks old and I am having harder time selling them than I thought. And in the mean time, I am also struggling to house train them because I have been so BUSY! I have been using any free time I have to do tax and ebay stuff for my dad and ant food for my uncle. That's on top of taking care of three kids, being in and out of the emergency room, and everything else! Needless to say, my house does not smell the greatest. So I tried cleaning the carpets before they came, because we have a Bissell cleaner, and it still smells horrendous!! I am so embarrassed that I for sure would not allow anyone that wasn't family in my house right now! I feel like a complete failure as a home maker! Hopefully we will be getting rid of the little dogs, and now that tax season is over, I SHOULD be little bit less busy, but...who knows. I still have several things that have come up, like the fact that my baby has like...four or five cavities!! Talk about feeling like a failure again! Poor thing! She is only a year and a half. So now I have to figure out what our insurance covers, because we haven't used it too much this year, and see if I can get her (and the five year old...I knew she had cavities.) into a pediatric dentist. My kids aren't so good at the dentist. I also am finding out that I may have some more serious issues with infertility. So now I have to decide how much I really feel I am supposeed to have another. I have to either go in for blood tests, and possibly more extensive infertility treatments, since all the Clomid did was give me cysts, or I need to have everything removed. Problem is, I don't know with the kids dental work and the fact that in the last 4 months I have had 3 emergency room trips, whether we would have money to do anything with my condition. But if not, the only thing I can do is sit around and hope I can find a doctor that will work with me and give me pain meds (not promising) or end up in the ER more often. Not to mention the main problem everyone has with the pain meds anyway...they don't want me hooked. Ugh! What do you do when every choice, is not actually a choice? Or at least not a very realistic one? Now that I have digressed...I am desperate friends!! My house smell makes me want to run away and never come home! I don't even feel like my house is fit to live in right now! Does anyone have ANY ideas on how to get the smell out?? I have tried cleaning the carpets with a mixture of the Bissell pet odor removal solution, color safe bleach, and oxyclean. I thought for sure that would do it! It was better, but not great. And not for very long. The smell came back! I am thinking I am going to have to break down and get it done professionally. One more thing that HAS to be done with non existent money....am I the only one with problems that can't be solved! P.S. This post was meant to be happy. I wanted it to be happy. And things really are going okay. I just have a lot to think about and alot to do that seems kinda impossiblish right now. But I love my life, I love my family, and I am truly grateful for everything I am blessed with!! Just wanted everyone to know that I don't mean to be so negative. I just put down what is in my head because it helps me think. But then it tends to sound whiny. :) But see...I am still smiliing... this big!! :) :) :)
Friday, April 3, 2009
I put Vegas and beyond...but then decided to break it in to two posts. As most of you who know us know, we are trying to have another baby. Many people think we are crazy because of the health problems I have and the problems I have taking care of the 3 wonderful girls I have. But I have thought, fasted, and prayed long and hard, and feel that this decision is the right one for our family. I don't want to leave anyone behind! Well...I have not had a period since getting pregnant with Samara. That is 2 1/2 years now!! A lot of you ladies may be thinking that I must be crazy to complain about it! While I have enjoyed not having a period, especially because with my already painful condition, the periods REALLY cause trouble and completely wipe me out, with out a period, there is no ovulation. Thus...no possibility of pregnancy or baby. At first my docs assumed it was because I was breastfeeding even though I had breastfed my last, and it still had come back by before that amount of time. Then I stopped the breastfeeding and still...nothing. So, they used progesterone to try and jump start the periods. It caused a few days of weak bleeding and that's it. Well, this last time (I had taken the progesterone 2X's before this) they upped the dosage of progesterone and then told me, on my fifth day of bleeding to take Clomid, which I had requested to try and get pregnant. I really feel like my family has one more little one that is supposed to come to this earth through me. Because of recent happenings; increased pain, problems with the absence of support from friends family and doctors who have decided that they know what is best for me, and the fact that I have had to use medicines to even get pregnant, I have been doubting my answer that I need to have this last baby. I am still trying to do the things I need to, to hold my head up high and know that I have made the best decision I can, but in the mean time...I am just waiting and hoping. A few days ago, I went to the emergency room after spending all night and morning, nauseated and in immense pain. After medicating me, doing blood work, and running a CT, they found cysts on both sides of my ovaries...again!! So, now I am playing several waiting games. They did run a blood pregnancy test which was negative, but I am pretty sure, and still holding out hope, that it was too early. Probably in the implantation stage which can't be detected. Even in blood. I can do a home test Easter weekend, so everyone please cross your fingers and pray for a miracle!! Now I am also just on pain meds, waiting to see if these cysts are going to pop (OUCH!! Been there, done that. Not looking forward to it again) and go away on their own. Otherwise, surgery it is for me...again! I know...I sound like a broken record! It is so annoying to be in so much pain. I can't move without pain, so everything I have to do for my babies, is excruciating! Not to mention cleaning...or the lack thereof. I can't clean. It's off limits for now. So my house is being over run my tornado children. Then there's the lack of sleep because the pain wakes me, and I have to take more meds and wait for them to work before it's a dull enough pain that I can go back to sleep! Needless to say, I am extra worried about my foray into the baby making department. I feel like this is my last chance! If these meds didn't work, I doubt my doctor, or my husband for that matter, will let me take more because of the pain it causes. And I also can't just wait around for me to get pregnant naturally since we have been trying that for months and it hasn't worked. And everyday, the pain gets worse, and so we need to find a solution. In fact, at this point my docs think my body is going into premature menopause at age 27. So the only way to get pregnant is medicine! It's all one big circle with no end and no answer....so please...please pray for me and my family that something will work out. Or maybe Heavenly Father wants me to go through the motions like Abraham with his son. I am just really praying that I get to have this last baby....
Our anniversary was on the 21st of March. Eric and I have been married for 6 years now! Wow! Time flies! We wanted to spend a night alone, away from the kids and stresses of life, but alas...it didn't happen. I worked hard to wean Samara so that we could, but even though she is completely weaned for a month now, my mom and sister didn't want to have to deal with her mommy attatchement. So instead, we made it a family excursion. Which, while not less stressful, was still a lot of fun! We went to Vegas and spent the night in "the princess castle", otherwise known as Excalibur. Our little girls thought that they were the luckiest little girls in the world because they got to sleep in their very own castle! We did a lot of fun stuff while we were there. It kept us busy, we were constantly running from one thing to another. And the best part...it was all free! That's what we love about Vegas! There are so many shows, and displays, and fun things to look at, that cost absolutely nothing! We watched the Bellagio water fountain show, the Mirage volcano (which freaked out our girls. I think they thought the fire was going to burn them...)the Freemont light experience, the lions at MGM grand, and checked out the M&M factory...to name a few. Sami loves lions and tigers. She has never actually seen one, but I frequently wear t-shirts from Hurricane High that have Tigers on them and she grins, points to it and says "Rawr!" So I was SO excited to take her to the Lion habitat. And boy was it great! This experience just made my trip. We got there a little early, so we just waited by the big glass cage for the lions to appear. At first, she didn't know what we were doing. Then she started hearing the lion roars that were coming from the speakers overhead, so she kept looking up in the trees in the habitat, bouncing up and down and saying rawr. She was starting to figure it out. But boy...when those lions came out...she was literally trying to climb into the glass cage with them!! And when that didn't work, she had to get as close as she could. The whole time she was giggling and rawring and jabbering away. We chased those lions all over that habitat. One jumped down on the plexiglass overhead and to this day, when we say something about the lion she jabbers away, looks up and points, which is her way of telling people that she had a lion jump on her head! It is SO cute. Nessie is entertained by everything and nothing...depending on the day, and the time. She was pretty happy go lucky in Vegas. She seemed to be entertained by what ever we were doing. She likes to be right in the heart of the mess, and boy was she ever at home in a crazy place like Vegas! Kiya begged us from the beginning to go to the M&M factory. She and Nessie have been to Vegas before, but Kiya is the only one big enough to remember. Ness was too little and Sam was inside! She remembered the M&M place, and so we went there for her. We went through all four floors and got pictures next to the M&M race car, the giant M&M's and the M&M Vegas postcard thing, just like last time. We also let her choose something to buy to remind her of the occasion. So she got a cool pen. All in all, the trip was great fun, very tiring, and fairly painful for me (but isn't everything?) but it was very memorable and I am very glad we did it! I love my husband very much and we tired the kids out enought that we even had some alone time on our anniversary trip! I can't wait for the many more years to come that we have to celebrate our love together!