Surgery update

First of all, for those of you following this, sorry it took me so long to let everyone know how the surgery went. Hope you didn't think I died! :) The surgery went well, but the road to recovery has been long and tedious...and it's not over yet! I haven't been able to sit down for very long for about 4 weeks now. I haven't been able to attend church, drive, or many other things that are normally taken for granted. I still have an open wound, but it is closing up pretty good now. All of the muscles that attatch to the tail bone had to be cut when it was removed, so needless to say, it is pretty sore. But they are starting to heal and not ache quite so bad. I stayed with my parents for about 3 or 4 days after the surgery, at which time they kicked me out and I have been on my own, trying to take care of my kids and house while dealing with the pain. It's been kinda hard, but like I said, I am pretty well on the mend and things are getting back to normal. And by back to normal, I mean the varicose vein in my side is hurting so bad that every day it feels like something inside me is exploding! Ahhh..the fun of my life! So....now I just gotta address that problem. Now it's time to decide how strongly I feel, or how badly I want to have another baby. I need to weigh whether I can take on the pain for the amount of time it takes to get pregnant again and still function to take care of my children. I have 3 girls that need me so if I can't deal with the pain, then the only option I have left is to have the next surgery so that I can get on with my life and take care of my little ones. This is the hardest decision I have EVER had to make because if I had my choice, I would be healthy and pain free and continue to have as many kids as I possibly could. But it looks like my choices are limited to maybe one more. I have spent many nights crying and praying and many other things lately, and still, the decision isn't made yet. So I guess I will continue to cry, pray, and waiver....for now.